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The Well MOVED™ Guide: Before the Family Meeting
For adult children helping a parent decide what's next for the family home.
Who This Guide Is For
This guide is for the adult child who did not plan to be the one in charge. It might have been a fall, or something a doctor said that stayed with you. It might be the stairs in the house you grew up in, now a daily worry. Now you are carrying appointments, paperwork, money questions and the house, on top of your own work and your own life.
It is written for the child who lives closest and for the one who lives far away. You do not have to decide anything today. You only have to know your options, and you can learn them privately, before you bring anyone else in.
Planning is not giving up on your parent. A plan keeps the decision in their hands instead of leaving it to an emergency. This guide comes from Well MOVED™, the senior transition program at Surroundings, led by Maggie B. Hopkins.
Talk About Your Parent's Next Step
The Five Conversations, in Order
Most people get stuck when they start with the house. These talks usually go in this order:
- How do we talk to Mom and Dad? Is it time? Should they live with one of us? Is there a way for them to stay?
- Who is responsible for what? This covers who drives, who handles the doctors, who keeps the paperwork.
- Money. This covers what there is, what it needs to cover, and what feels fair.
- The house. Keep it, adapt it, sell it, or hold it for a while.
- Who speaks to the parents, and who takes charge?
The house is usually the fourth conversation, not the first. Most agents show up when it is time to sell. We would rather be there earlier, so that when a move does make sense, nobody is starting from scratch.
Is It Time? What Your Parent, and the House, May Be Telling You
The signs are usually small. Stairs have become a daily challenge. The garden has turned into a chore. Mail is stacking up, or bills are being missed. The house sends its own signals too. No one has been upstairs in weeks, and repairs keep waiting for a day that never comes. Any one of these can be a reason to start the conversation. None of them means you have to rush.
Walk the house with fresh eyes. With your parent, if they are comfortable, check for sturdy railings on both sides of the stairs, bright light at every step, grab bars by the toilet and shower, a clear and lit path from the bed to the bathroom, loose rugs and cords out of walkways, and everyday dishes at waist height. Maggie is a Certified Aging-in-Place Specialist (CAPS) and can walk the home with you and talk through practical changes. If something needs a clinical assessment, we help connect you with the right professional.
Your First Week: Pick What Helps
You do not need all of this. Pick one thing and do it this week.
- Keep a short note of what you are noticing and when.
- Find out where the important papers are kept, and who has access.
- Ask your parent one question: "What would make things easier for you at home?" Then listen.
- Walk the house once with the checklist above.
- If siblings are involved, share what you are noticing before anyone makes a decision.
- Talk with someone who understands these transitions.
If your parent's health changes, focus on what they need right now. Decisions about the home can wait until you have a clearer picture.
The Paperwork to Find, and Where It Lives
You are not reading these yet. You are learning where they are, so a crisis does not turn into a scavenger hunt.
- Advance health care directive: names who speaks for your parent on medical care if they cannot, and records their wishes.
- HIPAA release: lets doctors share health information with the people your parent names. It does not give authority to approve treatment.
- Power of attorney for finances: names who can pay bills and handle accounts.
- Will or living trust: says what happens to the home and belongings. Find the signed originals.
- Deed and latest property tax bill: show whose names are on the home.
- Accounts, insurance cards and key contacts.
In California, being a spouse or family member does not automatically give you authority over health care decisions or medical information. An elder law or estate planning attorney can prepare the right documents. We can connect you with one, but we do not prepare legal documents.
Holding a Family Meeting
Plan one hour and five items. The aim is not to decide everything. It is to leave knowing who is doing what.
- What we are each seeing. This takes ten minutes. Facts come first, and opinions come later.
- What Mom and Dad want. This takes ten minutes. Start with their words.
- Who does what. This covers rides, doctors and medications, paying bills, home repairs, paperwork, check-ins and keeping everyone updated.
- What we decide today, and what waits. Most things wait.
- When we meet again. Put a date on it before you leave.
Name two jobs for each task: who does it, and who keeps track of it. Both are work. Ground rules help. One person speaks at a time. No one decides alone. A pause is not a failure.
If you live far away, name a local point person who can reach the house within the hour. Set a weekly call and build a shared folder. From Sacramento, we can be your eyes and hands: walking the house, coordinating repairs and sending you updates.
Five Directions, What Care Costs, and the Money
Moving is only one answer. These are the paths we help people look at, and many combine two:
- A community with care. Independent living, assisted living and memory care differ a lot, and we help you learn the questions to ask.
- A 55+ community. It is built around amenities and less upkeep, not care. See our 55+ community pages.
- Closer to family. This can mean across town or across the country.
- A home that fits. This means one level instead of two, with less to maintain.
- Age in place. This means railings, grab bars, step-in showers and better lighting.
What care can cost. CareScout's 2025 Cost of Care survey put the national median for a non-medical in-home caregiver at $35 an hour, adult day health care at $95 a day, assisted living at $6,200 a month and a private nursing home room at $10,798 a month. Those are national figures, not Sacramento prices. Medicare generally does not pay for long-term custodial care. An elder law attorney can tell you which benefits apply.
The money. A parent's home often holds most of the family's wealth. Home equity can create options: selling and moving, a home equity line of credit, a bridge loan, or a reverse mortgage for homeowners 62 and older who stay in the home. A reverse mortgage fits some households and not others. The homeowner keeps ownership, must live in the home and keep it up, and meets with an independent counselor before going forward. As a mortgage broker, Maggie can explain each option. Before changing title on a parent's home, talk with your CPA or elder law attorney, because a sale, a transfer and an inheritance can each be taxed differently.
Free Sacramento Resources That Do Not Come From Us
We list these because they help. We receive no referral fee or anything else for listing them. Contact details below are as listed on agencyonaging4.org and sacagingresources.org. Confirm before you call, since services change.
- Agency on Aging Area 4: the starting point for aging services. (916) 486-1876.
- 211 Sacramento: dial 2-1-1 when you need help but do not know who provides it.
- Del Oro Caregiver Resource Center: support for family caregivers. (916) 728-9333.
- HICAP: free Medicare counseling.
- Sacramento County Adult Protective Services: 24-hour hotline (916) 874-9377 for abuse, neglect or financial exploitation. In an emergency, call 911.
Well MOVED™ never accepts a placement fee from any community or care provider. When we recommend an attorney, a mover or a community, it is because of what we saw, not because it benefits us.
Download the Full Guide
The full Well MOVED™ Guide adds the printable family meeting grid, the home walk-through checklist, a plain-word glossary and pages for your own notes.
Your Next Step
A first call is fifteen to thirty minutes by phone. We listen first. If you want a plan, we outline next steps around your parent's wishes and your timing. There is no cost to talk, whether you are ready now or a year from now.
Tell us what is going on with your parent or call (916) 549-3131. If the house is the question, read about downsizing and senior moves.
Maggie B. Hopkins, CA DRE #01750680, NMLS #349517. This guide is general information and is not legal, tax, or financial advice. Nothing here is a commitment to lend.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does it cost to talk with you?
Nothing. A first conversation is free, whether your parent is ready to act now or a year from now.
What if my parent refuses to talk about it?
Start with their worries, not the house. Ask one open question and listen. It often takes several conversations over weeks or months.
What if my siblings disagree?
Agree on the facts first, then on roles. If it stalls, a neutral third party such as an elder law attorney or a family mediator can help, and we can point you to people we trust.
Do we have to clean out or fix the house before we call?
No. Call before spending money on repairs. We help you decide what is worth doing and what is not.
Can you help if I live far away?
Yes. We coordinate with you and your parent from Sacramento, walk the house, line up repairs and keep you informed at each step.
What if we change our minds halfway through?
You can. We move at the pace you set, and the decisions stay with you and your parent.
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